sports psychology | expectations
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Why 'good enough' is actually better than perfect (and a lot more fun, too)
Child psychologist Bruno Bettelheim wrote an acclaimed book called A Good Enough Parent which stressed that in the age of fantasy concepts such as 'Superwoman', parents should concentrate on reality: they should accept that perfection in relationships within the family just doesn't exist and concentrate instead on being - well, good enough. It's a theme echoed by many sports psychologists and one of the most cogent expositions of the theme that we've come across recently is from Dr Patrick J Cohn. He works predominantly with golfers, but his comments apply to sportspeople of all disciplines.
Many perfectionists I work with get stuck in a so-called practice or training mindset and find it difficult to develop 'game self-confidence'. They are more comfortable in practice than in competition. When performing, expectations are so high that they become easily frustrated and can't have fun. If you are a perfectionist, here are my tips for playing with greater confidence.
1. Don't expect so much
High expectations can make your feel like a failure - no matter what you do. It's just not realistic to expect perfection every time. High expectations make you judge your performance all the time. If you don't reach your expectations, you view your effort as a failure. Setting attainable goals for practice and what you want to accomplish in your sport is a better option.
2. Emphasise fun, not being perfect
You are probably very hard on yourself in practice. The tension and frustration you experience partially results from an over-emphasis on trying to be perfect. Try to have fun with practice. Enjoy the time you spend practising.
3. Don't dwell on shortcomings
If you are a perfectionist, you spend a lot of time dwelling on the mistakes you make and on weaknesses. This is unhealthy for your self-confidence and doesn't let you enjoy the game. You are not a failure; you just choose to think more about your faults. You have to make the choice to think about what you did well in practice today and remember the good plays instead of replaying the bad ones repeatedly.
4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes
Perfectionists think that anything less than a flawless practice is a failure. You have to accept that you are human and you will have bad days just like everyone else. Sometimes it helps to give yourself permission to make mistakes. You're not perfect and even the best players in the world make mistakes. Allow yourself the flexibility to hit four or five poor shots a day.
5. Play or compete as much as your practice
You don't want to get too comfortable with practice and not have the confidence when you play your sport. Try to compete at least as much as you practise your sport. For every four hours of practice, try to get involved in a competition of some sort. You want to have the confidence that you can perform in competition, not just in practice.
Dr Cohn runs a service called Peak Performance Insights (no relation, but well worth a look!) on his website: www.peaksports.com
1. Don't expect so much
High expectations can make your feel like a failure - no matter what you do. It's just not realistic to expect perfection every time. High expectations make you judge your performance all the time. If you don't reach your expectations, you view your effort as a failure. Setting attainable goals for practice and what you want to accomplish in your sport is a better option.
2. Emphasise fun, not being perfect
You are probably very hard on yourself in practice. The tension and frustration you experience partially results from an over-emphasis on trying to be perfect. Try to have fun with practice. Enjoy the time you spend practising.
3. Don't dwell on shortcomings
If you are a perfectionist, you spend a lot of time dwelling on the mistakes you make and on weaknesses. This is unhealthy for your self-confidence and doesn't let you enjoy the game. You are not a failure; you just choose to think more about your faults. You have to make the choice to think about what you did well in practice today and remember the good plays instead of replaying the bad ones repeatedly.
4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes
Perfectionists think that anything less than a flawless practice is a failure. You have to accept that you are human and you will have bad days just like everyone else. Sometimes it helps to give yourself permission to make mistakes. You're not perfect and even the best players in the world make mistakes. Allow yourself the flexibility to hit four or five poor shots a day.
5. Play or compete as much as your practice
You don't want to get too comfortable with practice and not have the confidence when you play your sport. Try to compete at least as much as you practise your sport. For every four hours of practice, try to get involved in a competition of some sort. You want to have the confidence that you can perform in competition, not just in practice.
Dr Cohn runs a service called Peak Performance Insights (no relation, but well worth a look!) on his website: www.peaksports.com
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