I’ve a small confession to make; I don’t have a TV license. Now, before I’m reprimanded I’d like to explain why. My TV is the smallest piece of garbage you’ll ever see, I don’t think the company that made it still exists. The aerial is even worse; I can never get good reception but still have to spend half an hour finding this mediocre reception. I also have to put up with BBC Wales which isn’t much fun as an Englishman, also, I’m only here for half the year. There should be deals for people in my situations. By the way did you know that blind people are able to get their licenses for a 1/3 the price if they have a black and white TV? I can’t see what difference it makes.

Anyway I digress. The reason I make this confession (and I’m only living in my house for ten more days so don’t bother trying to catch me!) is because of last night’s football. It looked like it was snowing in Manchester as England faced Hungary in a World Cup warm up match, however, I’m assured it wasn’t. England’s appallingly boring first half performance was matched only by BBC’s dire analysis of it.

John Motson started raving on about World Cup songs – please someone dish him off to Countdown. At half time even Alan Hansen was flustered as he struggled to work out what Jamie Carragher was doing in that position. Ian Wright knew but couldn’t transform his thoughts into coherent sentences and Lee Dixon knew but couldn’t get a word in edgeways thanks to a charisma rating of 1/100.

We were then ‘treated’ to goal of the season which was going to be post-FA Cup according to Gary Lineker but they wanted to include Gerrard’s goal so showed it……post-FA Cup. Thank God they did though. Every goal seemed to be against Sunderland scored by a Wigan, Blackburn or Portsmouth player. The only goal of any context (which matters in goal of the season) was Gerrard’s. The goals weren’t even that good.

If I have to pay my TV license I want Sven to pay for it. His dire tactical nous caused this painful viewing, if it happens in the World Cup it will be no laughing matter.

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEKEND

This week’s accolade goes to two big men who defied stereotype by using skill and style to succeed. One is England batsman Kevin Pietersen, the other is Dallas Mavericks star, Dirk Nowitzki.

Pietersen produced a scintillating 143 in England’s win. It was half of England’s first innings runs, more than Sri Lanka’s first innings total, and ultimately proved the difference between the two sides. It was the manner of his innings that proved so special though. His shot whereby he hits an on drive off a ball that could only be hit on the off side by a normal player was sensational, almost revolutionary. Not only did he hit it once, but twice.

The reverse sweep off Muralitharan’s bowl for six was the most outrageous shot I’ve ever seen. That must have sent tremors through Australia. Pietersen is an easy figure to hate with his flamboyant haircuts, conspicuous tattoos and dubious blonde partners. However this young man, who rejected South Africa for England, looks focused on becoming a legend of cricket. English cricket fans must not take him for granted.

Now I thought Pietersen showed superb touch for a big man. He stands at 6’4”. Nowitzki is a seven footer who has the skills of a man 6’4” (small in basketball terms). He scored 28 points, grabbed 17 rebounds and chipped in with 5 assists as Dallas took a 2-1 lead in the Western Finals.

With the World Cup arriving in Germany this summer all eyes will be on the football. However my advice to the German public is that if you want to see a fellow countryman lift a big gold trophy; turn your attentions to the States.

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEKEND

Michael Schumacher.

OK the German came from the back of the grid to finish fifth at the Monaco Grand Prix. He’s supposedly the best driver ever and if there’s any grand prix you can work your way up from last it’s Monaco, so don’t let that amaze you too much. And fifth is not first like rival Alonso and if he hadn’t tried to cheat (again) it might have been first – then we’d have a title race on our hands.
Schumacher claims his punishment was exaggerated but this man doesn’t exactly have a leg to stand on. In his chequered history he’s rammed Damon Hill off the track in a title decider, tried to do it to Villeneuve in another title decider and cut off his own brother in one race.

Schumacher’s talent and attitude combine to make him a racing legend. He shouldn’t complain then when that attitude also makes him a villain of the sport. Maybe he’s scared that Alonso has as more talent than he did at his age?

Back in September 2005 I wrote an article suggesting that the Americans and Australians were mad to pay equal money to men and women at their Tennis Grand Slams, the French were mad to start doing it at this year’s event, and thank god the British at Wimbledon have stood firm.

Well the French Open at Rolland Garros is upon us and it is with little pride but great humility that I admit I was in the most part wrong. I still believe men deserve more because they play more sets (a feat women wouldn’t be able to match throughout a tournament while maintaining high quality matches). However, in terms of competition and strength in depth the women have surpassed the men in the past six months or so. With Roddick, Hewitt and Safin faltering with form and injury (the former two have pulled out of the French Open with injuries this year) the men’s game is turning into a constant two horse race between Federer and Nadal. As good as these two are we need challengers to make it exciting.

David Nalbandian of Argentina stands a chance but it’s difficult even to see the third favourite winning. In the women’s competition it couldn’t be more wide open. Any one of eight players stands a great chance. Henin-Hardenne is the favourite but is closely followed by Petrova, Clijsters and Mauresmo.

This top four is complimented by the challenges of Hingis, Kuznetsova, Venus Williams and Sharapova. The Aussie Open was dampened by injuries to Clijsters and Henin-Hardenne. Hopefully all the ladies can stay fit and healthy to delight the fans.

If not you can bet your life on Federer and Nadal upstaging them by producing an epic final – pressures on girls!

Have you heard the one about the lion hearted footballer, the brave hearted doctor and the old grumpy manager? If not read on.

Tomorrow, the results of Wayne Rooney’s scan will be announced. Next Tuesday, FIFA want to know whether he is likely to take part in the World Cup. With Terry, Gerrard, Lampard, Beckham and Owen to name a few, England have a real chance of winning the World Cup. I know it’s been speculated for over a year now but it really is true.

The majority of the squad have top Champions League experience. Those who don’t (mostly Tottenham players) are energetic, exciting talents who compliment the squad beautifully. We’re second favourites with the bookies and rightly so. In fact, but for Brazil’s aura at World Cups, our squad warrants a favourites tag - at least it would if Rooney was fully fit.

Apparently he is making a ‘perfect recovery’ from the metatarsal injury, according to Dr Leif Sward. As far as I can make out this England doctor has been working with Dr Mike Stone of Manchester United to recuperate Rooney. Everyone in the country will be delighted at the work Dr Stone has done so far, except one man it seems – a certain Alex Ferguson.

United have parted company with Dr Stone this week after ten years at the club but claim it has nothing to do with him trying to support Rooney’s World Cup bid for fitness. Now there are certain football fans who might be gullible enough to believe that, but I’m not one.

This is a classic Ferguson tactic, similar to so many that made him and United the most hated institution in the country for so many years. We can’t let a bully boy Scot ruin our best chances of World glory just so that his player is fresh for the start of next season when they play in the Community Shield (or whatever it’s called).

Oh no wait, his side won’t be playing in that because they didn’t even come close to winning anything this year. That surely left sour grapes with the competitive Ferguson but that’s no reason to deny England their best shot at the World Cup. After the debacle of appointing a coach this year, the FA can make up for it by standing strong on this issue.

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEKEND:

Sorry this was not displayed on Monday, the reason being was that I had to wait until Tuesday morning here in the UK to discover whether the Dallas Mavericks had made it to the NBA Western Finals. Now as I’ve already stated I’ve a little wager on them so my reasons for interest are purely financial, but I must admit the team is growing on me.

I’m as fickle as it gets when it comes to supporting NBA basketball teams. My first team was the Orlando Magic and that probably remains the case; I’ve recently acquired to of their tops that were half price from the States. I pull off the hip hop image about as well as George Bush would, but I love wearing an NBA jersey in the summer months, they’re certainly more cool than football (soccer) shirts.

However I can’t help playing away so to speak. I’ve a Michael Jordan Bulls jersey which my Godfather bought me from MJ’s Chicago restaurant. I travelled to California seven years ago so have a soft spot for the Lakers. I have a Celtics shirt after my family visited Boston last year. I also won a bet on the Spurs last year so have a soft spot for them too. Blimey, I’ve just listed half the NBA.

Now if Dallas win I can add them to my list. Led by a European (albeit German) I should be cheering them on regardless of my bet. I can’t support the Suns as they’re led by Steve Nash – a Tottenham fan I believe. Detroit are the most unlikeable team I’ve seen – way too boring. I don’t mind the Heat but as Orlando’s more illustrious Florida neighbours down in Miami with the Magic’s old superstar O’Neal – there’s no way I can support them. Dallas it is.

And what a show they’ve put on. 3-1 up on reigning champs San Antonio they were pegged back to 3-3. Away in the decider they took a 20 point lead only to be pegged back once again into overtime. Digging deep they showed true bottle to make the Western Finals.

I’m pretty confident they’ll out class the Suns to meet a Pistons team in the Final that will be short on confidence. Come on the Mavericks! (Sorry Magic, there’s always next year).

BEST PERFORMANCE 2

I wanted to give a little mention to Dave Collins, the UK Athletics performance director who has approached American sprinting great Michael Johnson to help with UK athletics. Johnson is a very smart man who knows exactly what it takes, tells it like it is and has no time for athletes who don’t fulfil their potential. In other words he sounds perfect for our incompetent athletes.

Well done Dave for going the right way about addressing a situation that seriously needs addressing.

WORST PERFORMANCE

When I started this feature I was looking forward to getting stuck into certain athletes and being as judgmental, cynical and downright unfair as possible. However, there haven’t been many shockers so far, with this week being the epitome.

Therefore it goes to whoever organised the Championship play-off final (a match that decides who reaches the Premiership, worth a reputed £40 million) to be played the day after the Heineken Cup final. After thirty large men churned the place up, the last thing that it was appropriate for was the Play-off final.

I suppose the real people to blame are those who didn’t get Wembley finished on time. That’s the worst performance of the season.

We’ve got rugby union and basketball to look forward to. Now I sense the groans but there should be some good stuff.

Having said that the Heineken Cup final (rugby’s equivalent to the Champions League) is not rocking my boat. Munster, Ireland’s top province, take on Biarritz from South France. Undoubtedly they are two of Europe’s top teams, it’s just that they play such boring one dimensional rugby. Hopefully the hard running surface will make it a spectacle but I’m not convinced. I’ve a feeling that after Wednesday’s football, this match is going to make me ashamed of the day I chose to play representative rugby over football. Although it was only last week that I was moaning about what a boring FA Cup final it was going to be so expect a 51-49 thriller.

Down in the southern hemisphere it’s the semi finals of the Super 14 competition. The ever present Canterbury Crusaders host the Bulls from South Africa to see who plays the Wellington Hurricanes in the final. An All-All Black final beckons.

The NBA play-offs are really hotting up. Miami Heat edged past the Nets to make the semis but no other team is through. The Clippers have taken the Suns to a seventh game decider but I’m more interested in the other matches.

Dallas are 3-2 up on the Spurs so I’m hoping they can wrap it up in Game Six at home as I’ve that little wager on them. Over in the East LeBron’s Cavaliers have pulled it back to lead 3-2 against the Pistons. I’d love it if they won – give me individual flair over team robustness any day of the week.

Well we lost – and in a pretty horrible fashion. But Henry has just signed a four year contract so if that’s what it took, it’s probably worth it. That’s all I can muster up on that.

Tonight’s the night. But for the World Cup final it’s the biggest match of the footballing year and the way I’m feeling now, I’d happily sacrifice a Germany-Argentina or France-Australia final for an Arsenal defeat of Barcelona. I’m so excited! Hold on I’ve just thought about the consequences of those World Cup finals, I change my mind but, I can’t express how excited I am about this match.

The two best footballing teams go head to head at a Paris stadium which is truly magnificent. A few years back my family got lost late at night in Paris so stayed in a random hotel. We woke up and looked out of the window to see the huge stadium. God knows how we missed it the night before. Me, my dad and brother had a look round and were mightily impressed by its sheer elite feel. It had the feel that only great sporting stars should be allowed to strut their stuff there.

In fact, it was where France defeated Brazil 3-0 in the 1998 World Cup final. If Arsenal and Barcelona were two countries, Arsenal would have to be France, with the manager and star player/captain both stereotypically french (although nicely Anglicized I might add) and Barcelona would be Brazil (any team that Ronaldinho is part of is Brazil). That illogical and far fetched theory bodes well then. Please no one bet on the outcome based on that…..

Logic needs to be thrown out of the window for this. Just remember what happened last time when Liverpool were 3-0 down at half time to a Milan side that were playing a style of football mixed between Germany’s efficiency and Brazil’s fluency. They brought it back to 3-3 then defeated them on penalties.

Tonight is the final that every purist has been dreaming of. I hope tomorrow I’ll be able to write a positive piece – that’s all. Now everyone get yourself comfortable for 7.45 BST and enjoy!

BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEKEND

I’ve split this week’s award into three categories: Individual performance of the weekend, team of the weekend and match of the weekend.

The individual of the weekend without doubt has to be Justin Gatlin, who broke the 100m record, running it in 9.76 seconds! Conditions were good for the record to be broken in Doha but, to do it so early on in the season is pretty impressive. I’d like to know if anyone has set the record earlier.

Gatlin is now the Olympic champ, World Champ and world record holder, so that kind of ruins the rivalry I’ve touted between Gatlin and Asafa Powell. Many experts in athletics have maintained that Gatlin is a better tournament racer while Powell has the raw speed.
Not so anymore but, I’m delighted by Powell’s response. He told the IAAF website: “He borrowed the record but I will get it back - I am capable of running 9.60 and I am in my best ever shape”. That’s what you want to hear from a sprinter.
Skip weddings, birthday’s etc. to make sure you catch their race at Gateshead in June – it’ll be a thriller. Although I can’t imagine the North East weather conditions will be ideal for world records.

The team of the weekend is Steven Gerrard F.C. As much as his team tried to lose it (poor passing, dreadful touches, own goals, goalkeeper errors, injuries, cramp) he refused to give in and whilst it wasn’t his best all-round performance, a wonderful assist followed by two spectacular goals and a cool penalty finish in the shoot out was stuff of legend.

Alan Hansen got it right when he declared Gerrard the best ever player to put on the red L.F.C shirt. If he repeats those heroics in the World Cup we’ve got a chance – even if the other ten players are Kingstonian Under 14’s 3rd XI.

The match of the weekend was Federer versus Nadal in the Rome Masters. In a classic five setter Nadal came back from the dead to equal the most wins on clay in a row record, and the most tournament victories by a teenager. Men’s tennis is in safe hands with these two at the healm.

WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEKEND

Wendell Sailor. The Australian Rugby winger has been suspended from rugby for failing a drugs test. For those who don’t know, Sailor was a sensation with the Aussie Rugby League team before switching to Union. He has played numerously for Australia but has failed to make his mark as a class performer.

I saw him play for Queensland when I was in Australia and was distinctly unimpressed by his lack of pace, his inability to get involved in the game and his general composure. Sailor has got himself in more trouble this year off the pitch (nightclub trouble in Cape Town as well) than he has done good on the pitch.

A talented athlete beyond belief who looks to have made one bad decision too many.

Well the biggest event has to be the FA Cup final, the most famous club competition in the world. Forgive me though for not being too excited, it’s just I can’t think of a more average final. Liverpool take on West Ham, there’s no rivalry or animosity between the two both historically and of present. Add to this the fact that Liverpool are the undisputed favourites but it wouldn’t be that surprising if West Ham won, and we’re left with a final that will do well to spring a surprise or even excite.

Now I don’t want to sound like a broken record banging on about the Arsenal but we’ve been in four of the last five finals and have made three of those four truly entertaining affairs. We went 1-0 up to Liverpool before Michael Owen struck twice late on to make it 2-1. We redeemed ourselves next year beating London rivals Chelsea 2-0. The following year even I can objectively assess as a bit boring when we beat Southampton 1-0. We had a year off the following year letting Man Utd dispatch of Millwall 3-0.

Last year was fantastic though, we couldn’t have played much worse against Cup holders Utd. They deserved to win 3-0 once again but, in the end we beat them in a penalty shoot out. Daylight robbery to end nearly a decade of intense North-South rivalry.

Over in the States the NBA play-offs continue. San Antonio v Dallas is pick of the bunch and hangs in the balance, as do New Jersey v Miami and even LA Clippers v Phoenix. It looks like the Detroit Pistons will be too much for LeBron James’ Cleveland Cavs.

Just goes to show a one-trick pony team can be good but not the best. Unless that one-trick pony is Thierry Henry of course…..